There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
