yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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