btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
