Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sry I called you an 8
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
