Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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