he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
