His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
