The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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