I think my vagina is haunted
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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