My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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