id be glad to
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
