11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
