o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
