you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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