Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
