Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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