When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
