So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
