I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
