I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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