Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
