I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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