my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
