Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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