i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
