alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
