You really coming over, don't trick.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
