I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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