That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
