I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
