I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Send help, water and tortillas.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
