we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
