i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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