no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
