Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
