This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
