I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
