where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
