he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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