drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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