A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just high enough for therapy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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