Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
