He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we're making bets on your personal life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
