Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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