I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
