u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
