This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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