Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he fucked my hip out of place.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
