What a fucking waste of an outfit
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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