I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
