I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
